That Day
by AshLikeSnow
Summary: A drama and possibly romance-ish story recounting the aftermath of Nanoha's injury told from Fate's POV. Slightly AU-ish in that the accident occurs when Nanoha and Fate are 17. First fic evar so reviews are welcome and encouraged :3
1. Chapter 1

It was snowing that day. A light flurry of powder that slowly but surely coloured the world white. An ethereal landscape of monochrome, an image of indescribable beauty. It was a picture without blemish .. but for one. Blood. _Your_ blood. Blood that soaked the pristine snow like a crimson flower as you lay dying.

**That Day**

**Chapter I**

**By AshLikeSnow**

I cried that night. Tears of anguish streamed forth, unnoticed and unchecked as I waited. And waited. And waited. I didn't want to lose you. No. I _couldn't_ lose you. You meant so much to me. So much that my heart clenches and numbness spreads through my body at even the idea of you being hurt, and yet there you were on the other side of that door, your life teetering at the edge.

Though I knew they were all there, I had no mind for anyone else, only myself. Sitting on a low couch, hands clutched at my knees and head bent forward, everything seemed a blur as I stared without seeing at the gleaming white floor. Thoughts coalesced in my mind, random flashes of images and ghostly trails of words melding into one repetitive cycle such that no single fragment could be discerned. Time stopped for me. It dragged. A single second dilating into over a thousand. Over and over. And yet still we waited.

I felt a small shift in the bench. I hardly noticed. My thoughts continued to consume me as I stared unseeingly at the ground. A hand was placed around my shoulder and soft words were spoken into my ear. I slowly came out of my daze to see Chrono's face next to mine. A tired face, which was working hard to seem calm and collected even now, though the traces around his eyes and mouth gave him away.

".. if you were like this? She'd definitely tell you to stay strong. Not just for her but for yourself, and for us too. We all have to be strong together if we're to make it through times like these." Patting himself over, he seemed to be looking for something, but gave up and gingerly tried to mop up my tears with his sleeve. "I don't mind the tears but I'm not going to wipe up your nose" flashing me an expectant look and a small grin. He deflated slightly after a short while when no response came forth.

He had obviously expected a reaction from me, but for the life of me I couldn't seem to figure out what. I was trying my best to untangle the mass of words he had just told me, and yet his words were confusing. My mind didn't want to focus. Slow comprehension however, gave meaning to his words, but the words sounded hollow to me. The only thing that I could grasp onto however was the effort he squeezed into his voice to sound confident. I seized that small bit of reassurance and clung to it, hoping against hope that he was right and we – I – could pull through this. I leant onto his shoulder a little.

"Thanks nii-san." I murmured. Even my voice was raspy and sounded harsh-like. But my brother seemed to understand. "Un" was the only response I got, and then we sat in silence. And waited some more.

* * *

**Author's Note **

Wow. I can't believe I actually wrote that. To tell the truth I never really expected myself to be here writing on FFN so I'm actually quite astounded here lol. But yes, this is only the first chapter to this story, and I hope that you all enjoyed it somewhat. In addition to this being only the first chapter, this is also my first fanfic ever (lolzlz nub) so I was wondering if perhaps you could give me some reviews? I'd really like to know what people thought was good or bad, and where to improve. Thanks you muchly for reading, and I think I should be churning out a second chapter soon :3 Take care


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**

I noticed something. I forgot to mention that this story is in fact slightly AU-ish in that the incident of Nanoha's injury takes place when she and Fate are 17. Sorry for causing any confusion since people have been telling me that Fate seemed to be acting too mature for her supposed age, hopefully this patches things up. Thanks to Hoppy-chan for pointing this out :3

Oh, and just a small note that _biotransgrade_ is a word that I made up for the purpose of this story which in the language of Ash-ness means replication of biological (and hence genetic) material through magical transmutation using a sample for the basis. Theoretically speaking (lolzlz Ash-ian physics) this would then allow for the creation of clones, and is thus the reason why it is banned. Since clones are bad, mmkay? (Mmkay)

* * *

It was still snowing the next day. The same light flurry of powder colouring the world white, an identical image of simple monochrome without a single blemish. But today that picture was far from perfect, and so I am the one who is dying, dying from the pain searing inside of me. Because it was a picture without you.

**That Day**

**Chapter II**

**By AshLikeSnow**

We had heard it all last night. How you had been sent out along with Vita and a small contingent out past the wilderness, up to a newly discovered small ruinous city. It was routine practice from there on out; separate into small groups and investigate for Lost Logia or other artefacts which may be dangerous or important, while maintaining communication. It was just another mission. It was all by the books. It should have been. But it wasn't.

Pandemonium erupted.

Another officer must have been careless and had tripped an alarm, and some kind of security system was triggered; magical monsters spawned out of nothing, and robotic drones were summoned all over the city. It was an all-out fight against a horde of enemies with scrambled forces. A large number of officers died before realising what had happened.

You and Vita reacted instantly. Raising Heart and Graf Eisen were called out, and barrier jackets donned. Moving to intercept, you prioritised the rescue of the remaining forces while Vita concentrated on destroying the enemy. Each taking down the enemy one by one, your paths diverged, where you round up the other officers and attempted to get them back into formation and Vita entered into the thick of the fray.

After the initial shock and forces were regrouped, you had slowly started to regain control of the situation. The monsters weren't overwhelmingly difficult, but their numbers, as well as our own depleted forces made things just that much more difficult. You pushed yourself forward and took the lead in the attack, breaking through the front line, eventually reuniting in the middle of the horde with Vita, where she stood slightly bloodied but still defiant. Back to back, you both fought with renewed spirit, while the others supported you where they could.

It all came to an end towards late afternoon. All the monsters had disappeared upon defeat, and all the drones lay where they had been destroyed. It was snowing again, and many of the troops were weary. Volunteering to go out to scout around in case of more enemies, you moved off on your own, despite your own fatigue. We still don't know exactly what happened after.

Vita found you lying in the snow not long after, barely conscious and blood seeping out of your wounds. She had tried to contact you but no response, and had come to check on you. She noticed a drone lay nearby, half destroyed, but still trying to move, still with a raised claw drenched in blood. Vita snapped. She utterly destroyed it with her hammer.

Vita contacted headquarters immediately after, screaming for a doctor. Cradling you in her arms she cried, and waited for help. And that was how we found her.. and you.

* * *

**Day 1: An Interminable Wait.**

I sat dully in my seat. Tension permeated through the air as though it was solid. We had waited out the night and still the door had not opened.

I noticed that my eyes felt raw and gritty, and would sting every time I tried to blink. I realised then that I must have cried my eyes totally dry. I noticed too my bladder seemed to be giving out distress signals, but it hardly registered. A small ray of light peeped over the edge of the windowsill however, throwing light down the corridor and onto the right side of my face before it stabbed into my eyes. I winced._What was that doing there? _Stirring slightly, I shaded my eyes and looked towards the window. A steady stream of light shone through a gap in the clouds. Sunlight. The Sun. The sun was rising. It was morning. This fact slowly registered in my brain, and it struck me. We had waited the whole night and you were still in there. My heart trembled yet again.

Deciding to try distract myself from that thought, I slowly took in my surroundings, as though seeing it for the first time, despite the number of hours spent there. The emergency ward was at the end of a long corridor, with two backless couches placed out, one directly in front of the emergency ward door, and the other beside it. Right beneath the windowsill, Vita sat with her knees drawn up to her face, and not looking at anyone, rocking out dry sobs sporadically. I noticed in a detached way that her dress was still bloody. She hadn't even bothered to clean herself up yet. Next to her was Hayate who had placed a comforting arm around her shoulders like Chrono had done for me. She seemed to have fallen asleep, though her face was still lined with worry. Signum was standing next to the window, a short distance away from them arms crossed and looking awake, though seemingly tired by the droop in her shoulders. She glanced at me then nodded, but said nothing. I turned away again.

On my left, Chrono was still there sitting on the bench with me, though no longer leaning on my shoulder, but back against the wall with eyes closed, sleeping or not I couldn't tell. Staring back to the front of me, the light highlighting _'Emergency'_ still had not faded from above the emergency ward door. My eyes lowered again, and moved to my left, to the opposite couch. Yuuno sat with elbows on his knees and hands palmed against his face. He looked to be grimacing. We were all so tired of waiting.

_Flicker_. Feeling something stir against my foot, I looked down, finally noticing Arf curled up against my leg. She had sat with me throughout the night as well, though I hadn't even noticed her. My heart twinged. Bending down, I softly scratched at her ears and she blinked up at me, the concern in her eyes apparent.

"I- I'm ok Arf, don't worry." I smiled as best I could "I'm a tough cookie remember? That's what she always sa- .." Even from that simple phrase I couldn't continue. An unbidden sob racked through me. Arf whined.

My own words reverberated in my head and cut into me. Memories played themselves out in my mind You were always the one who encouraged me, always the one who pushed me forward and always the one who took my hand. You were always my source of strength. What am I meant to do now? I fell back into a mindless stupor. My thoughts claimed me once again.

Not long after however, but infinitely long in my mind, the light to the_'Emergency' _sign flicked off, though unnoticed by the rest of us except Signum, who coughed and pointed to gain our attention. We all mentally slapped ourselves and stood up as one, anxiety ran thick amongst us. We waited.

The door finally opened, and Shamal stepped out and stopped, while fellow doctors and nurses walked on, all tired-looking and weary. She saw us all but said nothing, looking away slightly when my eyes searched hers. My heart missed a beat. I rushed up to her, along with Vita and Hayate. I tried to ask about you, but I was just wringing my hands and no words came out. I couldn't seem to work my voice. It was Hayate who finally asked.

"How is she?"

Sighing, Shamal answered her "She'd sustained a lot of damage, and it really took a lot out of her. On top of that we had to restore a large amount of lost blood and that always complicates things, even with the technology here on Mid-Childa. Ever since we were banned from biotransgrading even emergency patients blood, it's been difficult for these situations .." She looked around and noticed distraught faces, realising she hadn't said anything good yet. Sighing once more she explained further "I've mended her injuries, but to tell the truth, her situation is complicated. She may not awaken for a while."

With a slight tremble in his voice Yuuno spoke up and asked the question I'm sure we all wanted to know "How long are you referring to when you say a while?" He looked so concerned. We all were.

"I- I wouldn't be able to accurately tell you. Amongst other things she suffered from a lack of oxygen to her brain, and it basically shut itself down to utilise only the minimal functions to preserve itself, and it seems that she suffered from a brain haemorrhage as well. I had her brain scanned since Vita told me she received a blow to the head during the battle." A pained look leaked through her would-be-calm mask, and her hands had started to shake a little. Her façade was breaking.

Silence rang forth. An unbroken silent melody until I pierced it with the words I finally found I had "So she's in a coma?" A slow nod. "And you don't know when she'll wake up?" Another nod. "But you're sure she will?" A pause. No nod followed.

I looked pleadingly at her, and repeated the question. I was panicking now. She sternly avoided my eyes this time. Somone, I think Chrono, gripped my shoulder. "Shamal? Answer me please? She'll wake up won't she?" I was begging her. Anything to allay my fears.

She finally turned to me, but now with tears rimming her eyes, "I'm sorry Fate-chan, I really don't know. I-I tried my best but.." She let out a small sob and found herself enveloped protectively in Signum's arms and hushed with soft words and a kiss to the forehead.

I stared. The words simply refused to be comprehended. Over and over the same words repeated in my mind. _I'm sorry Fate-chan._

_Sorry? Sorry for what? You haven't even answe- _

Then realisation struck me harder than any blow I've ever taken before. My mind reeled, and my vision swam. Hayate, Yuuno and Shamal were all looking at me, as though afraid. I'm sure Chrono would have been too if he could see my face. Vita simply sobbed.

The words come out haltingly but my heart was hammering, "You.. don't know?" Shamal sobbed louder. Signum turned to silence me with a look. I ignored her.

"What do you mean you don't know?" My breath was ragged. "You're a doctor aren't you?!" Arf was whining next to me, and Yuuno and Chrono both stepped forward, but I was beyond being contained.

"YOU TELL ME YOU'RE A DOCTOR AND YET YOU CAN'T EVEN HELP HER?! THE HELL KIND OF DOC-" I couldn't finish what I wanted to say. I don't know what I wanted to say. I couldn't even remember what I was doing or why I felt so angry.

"FATE?!" "FATE-CHAN!!"

Dim voices attempting to reach through muffled ears.

Everything faded to black.

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hehe. Second chapter written in one day. I don't think I've EVER written so much for a fictional piece before. I probably won't post this up till tomorrow though, just to give myself some time to edit it if need be, and to draw out the anticipation somewhat (for the whopping 5 of you probably lol). I hope that this chapter was found enjoyable, since I spent a fair amount of time trying to piece together some of the moods and emotions of each character. Also, I hope that you guys don't hate my poor Fate-chan, she's just really distressed at the moment and emotions are getting the best of her. Hope she feels better soon ;-; and I hope also that you'll be tuning in for my next chapter too :D. Till next time


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

Wow. I'm an idiot. I realised something upon re-reading my last chapter; I totally forgot to disclaim in my last disclaimer even though I remembered to type everything else. Lol. Pardons for my lack of brains, but I shall now disclaim to your hearts content.

Nothing belongs to me, you hear me? _Nothing_. Except maybe my used tissues. I doubt anyone else would want those.

* * *

I was staring at the ceiling. Exactly how long I lay there staring I can't possibly imagine. The fact that I was staring at it didn't even register in my mind until long after I started to, I'm sure. The only thing that I would be able to tell you was that the ceiling was white. Like snow. Like your jacket.

_Your jacket._

I sat bolt upright and searched frantically left and right. I didn't see you anywhere. A deep hollow feeling emerged in my chest, while an unfamiliar setting stared back at me. I had been sleeping on a bed in the middle of a dazzlingly white room with a closed door opposite me and a shut window behind. A cabinet that wasn't mine was to my left, and an empty seat to my right. I didn't know where I was.

**That Day**

**Chapter III**

**By AshLikeSnow**

**Day 2: To Fear and Forget.**

My memory was hazy. What was I doing in what appeared to be a hospital ward? Noticing that my clothes felt too breezy, I looked down and saw that I was wearing a hospital gown, confirming my suspicions. The feeling of anxiety slowly faded away, to be replaced by curiosity as questions sprang forth in my head. No sudden bouts of enlightenment struck me however, and worse, my mind felt like a wrung cloth. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly.

"Good morning Fate-chan, you're awake now? How are you feeling?"

I opened my eyes and looked ahead to see Hayate walking up to me on the left from the now-opened door. She bent forward and flicked a hand past my fringe to lay it upon my forehead. Her hand was cool. I looked past her arm to see her face with eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration.

"Hayate, what am I doing here?" A timid question.

"Getting your temperature checked of course." She looked pleased with herself. "Alright, seems that your fever's died down a bit now. How 'bout we have you take your medicine then just to make sure?" Straightening up she picked up a packet of antibiotics and emptied two tablets onto her other palm which she then passed to me. I took the pills in hand and stared at it for a short while, before I placed them into my mouth and tried to swallow.

"Wait! Your water!"

I choked.

Hayate, who was in the middle of pouring me a glass of water from the pitcher, set it down and instead turned around to rub my back. "Mou, I can't believe you. You're not five anymore you know, don't you even know how to take medicine?"

Though still a bit red in the face, I couldn't help but flush a little more "Sorry. I don't normally need water taking pills that's why. But my throat felt so dry for some reason.."

She had turned back round again to finish pouring water into the glass and handed it to me. I took it gratefully with a small 'Thank you' and set it to my lips and drank eagerly to calm my throat. Almost at once I noticed an alarming sensation down in my abdomen. I almost choked again. I scrambled out of the blankets and off the bed, pushing the glass back into her hands.

"Woah, woah! What are you doing?"

Ignoring her questions, I almost screamed. "Hayate! Where's the bathroom?!"

"Eh? Umm, out your door and along the corridor to your right until you reach a junction. You should see the sign there where they are."

I ran.

* * *

I came back into the room feeling more relieved than I think I ever have. Hayate's giggle made me turn towards her after closing my door. I noticed she was now sitting down in the empty chair beside my bed and looking at me with slight mirth in her eyes.

"Wow Fate-chan, I don't think I've _ever_ seen you run that fast before." She giggled again.

I blushed. I still didn't enjoy being teased very much.

"Mou Hayate, you don't have to say those kinds of things out loud." I cast about for another topic while climbing back into the bed. "So what am I doing here again?"

Her giggling had quieted and then stopped but a small smile was still obvious on her face. "Fate-chan must have a bad memory, because she just asked me that not long ago."

I sighed. She was in one of those moods. "I _mean_ .." and I spoke the words as slowly and concisely as I could " what was I doing here in the hospital in the first place? I don't really remember coming here. It couldn't have been just for a fever could it?"

Her smile dropped then. A slightly worried look came to her eyes, which were searching mine. _What was with that look? _

She seemed to hesitate, but then spoke slowly "You don't remember coming to the hospital Fate-chan?" A shake of my head. "You don't remember anything about two nights ago? I mean, before you fainted?" Another shake. She stopped there. She suddenly didn't seem to be very sure about herself

_I had fainted? Wow. Why? She said I had had a fever, but I wouldn't normally fai-_

Memories started to trickle in, slowly at first; an image of pure white snow danced before my eyes, stained by patches of red. Another followed of a hurried stride down white corridors. Emotions were mixed in with those images. Uncomfortable feelings. _What was that? Snow? But why was it red?_

A faint knock came from the door, and my thoughts were broken. I looked up and Hayate answered for me "Come in."

The handle turned and Yuuno's head peeped out from behind the door "How is she Haya- Ah, you're awake now Fate. I'm glad." He gave me a small smile which I returned, though I couldn't help but notice how tired he looked, as though he was missing a few nights sleep. I couldn't help but wonder why.

"How are you feeling then?"

The question broke me out of my small musings "Fine I think. Hayate said that my temperatures gone down." _It was only a fever wasn't it? But then again, why would I have fainted?_

"Mm, everything sounds normal then." Yuuno pushed his glasses up with his fingertips, adjusting them "I'm not really sure if you're up for it since you yourself may still be tired, but did you wanna go visit her? Knowing you, you're probably dying to though."

Hayate seemed to be fidgeting in her seat. I looked over at her and noticed she was giving Yuuno an intense stare, as though trying to speak with just her eyes. He seemed to have noticed the same thing, though the exact meaning of the intended message seemed to be lost to him.

I was a little confused by all this. "Who am I supposed to go visit? Is there someone I know who's in hospital too?"

Yuuno was looking at me, as though even more perplexed than I was. "What do you mean Fate? Don't you re-". But Hayate cut him short.

"Not right now Yuuno-kun, she still seems a bit si-". Oddly enough, Hayate too had been cut off, though this time by a short nurse who had popped into the room without knocking.

"Yuuno-san, could you please head back towards the intensive care ward? Doctor Shamal said she would like to have some words –"

My mind blocked out any further sounds issuing from her thin lips. She seemed to have struck a chord in my brain with just a single name.

Shamal.

_Shamal._

Memories that had initially been leaking through in no more than a trickle before being plugged up again, seemed to have built up in force. It was as though a sudden dam burst forth, and it flooded me. Images of blood-drenched snow flashed again through my mind, much more vividly than before, and this time I knew why it was so red. Still pictures of the long corridor to reach the emergency ward raced through like ghosts before my eyes. Fresh feelings of panic and worry erupted in my chest as I relived that interminable night outside the emergency ward door. Finally, the image of Shamal with tears brimming and hands shaking while the words _'I'm sorry'_ reverberated in my head robbed me of my breath. I clutched my chest at the sudden weight of it all.

_No! I don't want to remember any of this. This is too cruel to be true. There's no way it could be true!_

I struggled with them, all these memories, each thick and undulating, rapidly enveloping me in their emotions. I fought, I bit, I strained, I resisted, but try as I might I found myself sinking; a slow relentless pull down a deep mire of despair. I nearly drowned in it.

My vision was dimming again and large random dots of colour were popping up on the sheets. I didn't even realise I was holding my breath until my brain started screaming at me for oxygen. With effort, I heaved a coarse sob through my tight chest to get air back into my lungs. It hardly made me feel any better.

Hayate and Yuuno were at my side, rubbing my back, asking how I was, giving me concerned looks. I couldn't really answer them even if I had wanted to, and I must admit, it felt a bit cloying having them pamper me like that while I felt so closed in. I shut my eyes again before letting my breath out and drawing another back in. Tears were threatening to spill out again, but I had no mind for it, instead I concentrated on breathing.

_In. Out. In. Out._

Gradually, the tightness in my chest eased and the hammering, erratic heartbeats died down. I breathed easier now. I looked up in time to see a doctor standing by my bed, with Hayate, Yuuno and the short nurse hovering behind him staring at me, anxious. He had a needle in his hand, and I guessed that it must have been a sedative of sorts. I looked up into his face and into his eyes before giving a small shake of my head. He lowered his hand a little.

"Harlaown-san, how are you feeling?"

_How many times have I been asked that just this morning?_

I straightened myself out and took another deep breath before answering as calmly as I could. "I.. I think I'm better now. Thank you."

Concern lingered in his eyes, but I must have convinced him with how much more rationally I was now acting. "I see. I'm glad." He glanced at me for a few more moments "Well I guess if that's the case then I'm afraid I'll have to get back, I was in the middle of tending to another officer before I was called in here." I nodded. "However, I think I should impress upon you the importance of rest, especially considering your condition and.. mm.. circumstances. I'll come in again later to do a proper check-up ok?"

A murmur of agreement left my lips, though my thoughts were already elsewhere. That slight pause had served to jump start my brain. I knew about my own circumstances better than anyone, and my body seemed to have started moving of its own accord. The doctor was barely out of the door with the short nurse in tow before I threw my blanket off and shifted my weight to try and get up. Neither Yuuno nor Hayate tried to stop me. Perhaps they had been expecting it.

Almost as soon as it started however, it was over. My feet were halfway to the floor when they stopped, suspended in midair. _What was going on? _I was holding my breath again and my heart had gone cold. I couldn't move; and it took a few moments to realise why.

Fear had paralysed me.

I was at the edge of my bed, torn between my emotions. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew. I knew so clearly and yet, my body which was just a few seconds ago moving without prompt, as though driven, no longer listened to me. Mental images of you, still as death and blood seeping out of your wounds haunted me. I dreaded seeing you. This fear shamed me and yet, now that I'd realised it, there was simply no way for me to refute it. The very idea of seeing you in such a condition galled me. My feet jerkily lowered to the tiled floor, my knuckles almost white as my hands gripped at the mattress. I began to shiver, but I wasn't cold. I hung my head and my hair caged my face, as though to hide me from view. I couldn't bring myself to see you.

There was a small silence, and then a light shuffling of feet. Yuuno had knelt down in front of me, while Hayate sat down beside. She had taken my left hand into her own and was gently caressing the back of it with her thumb. Even amidst my self-loathing I couldn't help but notice that her stroking felt kind of nice. It eased me somewhat, though not nearly enough. We stayed like that, nary a sound passing from each of our lips. It seemed they understood, understood and accepted it. They didn't question me as I'm sure anyone else would have, yet my own sense of guilt spilt over, and tears began to swell my vision.

"Why?" I sobbed hoarsely "She's my best friend. I want to see her so badly, and yet I-". Nothing else would come out. I couldn't even frame any more words. Tears were staining my lap.

The silence repeated itself, before being pierced again. "That's exactly why Fate," Yuuno answered gently "it's because she's your best friend. The bond that the two of you share is strong. When one smiles, so does the other, and when one grimaces, so too does the other. Being scared isn't unnatural in a situation like this."

I was staring down at the glistening patches of wetness in my lap. It was a simple answer. It always was for the hardest questions; yet for some reason, it was an answer I didn't want to accept. It seemed too commonplace. How could the scope of these feelings and uncertainties be contained within such simple words? And of course, there was the obvious question of why neither of the two beside me seemed as affected as I. My reactions and feelings felt so extreme, even from my own eyes.

"Look.. Fate, I know that you're guilt-ridden, but please, take one step at a time. If you can't bring yourself to see her now, then that's fine. Nobody said it was going to be easy, and let me tell you, it really isn't. I'm sure Hayate would agree. Just take your time to muster up the courage. I'm sure you'll be able to, I know you can." His voice and his tone bespoke sincerity. I nodded a small nod.

"Then how about I leave Hayate with you again for a while, so I can go see what Shamal wants? She can help you get cleaned up." I shook my head.

"No. I'm.. I think I want to be alone for a while. Sorry." The tears which had been spilling had yet to slow down..

He nodded understandingly, and so did Hayate. She got up and motioned for me to get back properly into bed while Yuuno tried to stand. He seemed to struggle a little bit, and I guess his knees must be sore, not to mention his fatigue. My heart twinged. "Sorry Yuuno."

He smiled again, "What are you saying? This is nothing." He stretched his legs a little to get some feeling back into them. "You just remember to take care of yourself and get some proper rest."

I nodded, and decided to take a sitting position on my bed instead of lying down, with my pillow propped against my back I didn't think I was going to be sleeping for a while. Hayate drew my blankets up and tucked them in around my waist.

"Ok, if you need anything then go ahead and press the buzzer just behind your head." I didn't even know I had one; I didn't bother checking for it. I murmured agreement. "And if you get cold and want a jacket or something, I placed your own clothes inside the cabinet." Another acknowledgement coupled with a small nod.

"I'll come back later to check on you ok?" I received a quick hug, and with a few strides she had reached the door where Yuuno was already waiting and waving at me. I waved back. She closed the door behind her and their footsteps faded away. I was alone again.

There was nothing of distraction in my room. My surroundings were so quiet, so calm, and yet inside of me, a storm of emotions raged. It seemed almost ironic to compare the two, considering how starkly contrasting they were. A small stream of tears was still wetting my face, and a lump had developed in my throat. I drew my knees up and hugged them with my arms, blocking out the world by closing my eyes. I felt so weak.

_No._

_No!_

I screwed up my face and shook my head angrily at myself.

_I can't do this. I can't let myself be swept up by it again. If I show weakness and fall here, when am I going to be able to pick myself up again? Hadn't Chrono told me I needed to be strong? Didn't Yuuno just tell me he believed in me? Wasn't Hayate silently supporting me? They were all trying their hardest for me, to save me from myself and yet here I am tearing myself apart. What kind of person would I be if I couldn't answer to their call?_

_Weak._

_No._

_Weak._

_That's not true!_

_Weak._

_I refuse! I may not be strong, but I refuse to be weak. I _refuse_! .. If I'm weak then I'd never be able to face you again._

I struggled with myself, willing my tears to stop and my breathing to return to normal. It really wasn't easy when the reason that I was trying to stop crying was the same as the one that had originally brought me to tears in the first place.

It must have taken me a long time, for when I opened my eyes again the light coming in from the window seemed different, a distinctive tinge of red; it must have been late afternoon. My stomach was making itself heard, but now that I was myself again, I was more inclined to just sleep; I felt so tired. I debated with myself for a while, and in the process used up whatever little energy I had left, so that decided it. I was in the middle of shifting around to lie down when a soft knock came from the door. It was probably either the doctor or Hayate. "Go ahead."

The door opened and a head popped in. I was wrong. It was that short nurse again. Weird that she knocked this time but not the last. "Harlaown-san, good afternoon. I wasn't sure whether you had wanted any visitors so I thought I'd ask first, but it seems that something urgent has come up and a Bureau officer has come to see you. Shall I let him in?"

_From work? But I'm supposed to be on leave still. Don't tell me they want to shorten it and get me back into work like this?_

"Ah.. ok, show him in please." The quicker I dealt with him the quicker I could get some rest I thought.

"Ok then, wait one moment please." She ducked back out, only to return a short while later with a middle-aged man in a black TSAB uniform. Clean-shaven and with middle-length straw-blonde hair, there was a definite crispness in his movements that spoke of confidence.

_Wait. Black? That's not my department, that's the Enfo-. _

_Oh my God. Don't tell me.._

The officer saluted me from the end of my bed and I returned it stiffly;_ That's the insignia of a senior officer.._

"Second Lieutenant Fate Testarossa Harlaown am I correct?" A meek nod. "I am Neil Lancer, holding the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in the Investigation Bureau." My heart sank. His name left me with no doubt whatsoever.

"I've come as part of an official enquiry, so I wanted to speak with you directly, though I never expected that I would find you enrolled here in the recovery wing of the clinical hospital." His seriousness didn't seem to be masking any anger, though that hardly mattered for I knew what was coming next.

"But despite these circumstances, I'm afraid I'll have to pursue this enquiry." He was firmly eyeing me now "On the 32nd of Musmuris at 0900 hours, one Fate Testarossa Harlaown, Second Lieutenant, was scheduled to take the Magical Enforcement Proficiency and Qualification Examination, with two officers, Colonel Ferocia Argenteus and Lieutenant Colonel Neil Lancer acting as field examiners. I believe that date would be yesterday."

I had missed the Enforcer exam. All of that preparation, and look what it had cost me.

"Perhaps you could answer me if I were to ask you exactly why such an occurrence has come to pass. Not simply the lack of attendance, but also the absence of even a follow-up explanation or contact regarding it. The Enforcer examination ought not to be taken so lightly."

My tongue was thick and my mouth dry. My heart was racing and so was my mind. Try as I might, I couldn't seem to form a respectable answer.

I could only stare back at him.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Sorry for the delay everyone, but it seems that this story is now getting slightly deeper and a bit harder to write since I have to cross-reference a lot more now between parts of the story that I sort of have planned. I often think that my first two chapters were too simple, though I could never really do much about them since honestly speaking, I regarded them more like prologues then anything else. I hope that you'll bear with me however and that the possible change of pace doesn't put you off. Also, I think that some people may find some of the wording and events towards the end of the chapter questionable. I'll tell you now that they aren't a mistake, and that I will most certainly be addressing those issues in due time within the story. But besides that, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, for certainly, the emotions took me a while to write. I took much time thinking how and why a character would react and to tell the truth, that's tiring, especially concerning the types of emotions that are being dealt with. At any rate, I shall most likely commence writing for the next chapter soon if not right away, and hopefully there won't be as much delay. And as always, I would like to hear your comments on what you thought of the chapter, and if possible, to give me some constructive criticism on it, since I could certainly do with some. Thanks you muchly! Til I see you guys next, take care. Ash

Oh. I almost forgot. I snuck some easter eggs into this chapter for some quick wiki work. If you think you've found them then go ahead and lemme know :3 I'll post the answers in my next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**

I own nothing except my used tissues.

* * *

The Lieutenant Colonel listened calmly while I tried to give him an explanation regarding my absence from the exam. Sitting in the chair beside my bed with elbows on his knees and fingers interlaced before his face, he had listened without interruption until the end of my story. His eyes were staring at the wall after I finished speaking, and not at me, though I could have sworn that they had held a faint light in them, as though of understanding. He sighed and closed his eyes. When he reopened them they were firm again.

"I see. It is a lamentable tale, and one that I too am saddened by. Admittedly it is the hardest for those who know the victims personally. However, despite such circumstances I must call into question your actions thereafter. It is not appropriate for one who deals within or is aiming for Magical Enforcement to be so easily moved by their heart. Ones judgement is reinforced by reason, and distracted by feelings, Second Lieutenant; you must always remember that. The responsibilities of an Enforcer are pivotal to the safety of the citizens not only here on Mid-Childa, but to each and every one of her jurisdictions, and possibly even beyond. Had this trivial occurrence appropriated itself during one of your missions, the repercussions of your actions could very well have proven detrimental to us all." He sighed again, and abruptly pushed himself up off the chair. "Second Lieutenant Harlaown, you will receive a final verdict regarding your examination at a later date after revision of your evidence." And then he left.

**That Day**

**Chapter IV**

**By AshLikeSnow**

**Day 3: Not Alone.**

It was late morning now and I was sitting in that lonely chair that was next to my bed in my hospital room. I had noticed at once that it was a comfortable seat, with its springy, but not hard cushion and its slightly reclining back. It wasn't really what I wanted. I had originally planned to sit on the chair and get myself uncomfortable so that I could have a serious think to myself. Not a self-absorbed thinking session where I would be prone to losing myself, but a conscious and deliberate one. The chair defeated me on that account. I wonder if I should have sat on the floor instead.

Yesterday had been a long day. Not exactly because of how much I had done, but rather because of how much I _hadn't_. It wasn't exactly a pleasant thing to have to face and come to grips with, especially in the morning, but I knew that if I didn't sort it out then it would only get worse. Still, it wasn't an easy task, and to tell the truth, I was at a loss for where to start.

I decided to take Yuuno's advice, and take one step at a time. It would be easier if I were to figure out which was the easier to deal with and fix it first, and then move onto the other afterwards. It wasn't much competition; I decided to deal with the Enforcer issue first. Or at least I had meant to until I remembered the fact that even thinking about the issue brought irrational anger coursing through my body, spreading down to even my fingertips.

It wasn't as though I didn't understand his words and his perspective on things, but what the Lieutenant Colonel had said seemed almost as though it had been seared into by brain as soon as the words left his mouth. Degrading the severity of this incident into a 'trivial' circumstance was no worse than spitting upon a comrade's corpse in my opinion, and I silently fumed at it.

It was with a start then that I broke out of my reverie when a knock came from the door. Quickly recovering I answered back "Come in." It was probably the doctor coming for another check up.

The door opened slowly to reveal two figures. I was wrong again. Hardly believing my eyes, I slowly stood up from my chair and found myself standing before two of the people I least expected to see, though I admit I probably should have.

"Fate-chan, dear, how are you feeling?" I was quickly enveloped in a hug while the other figure hung back but was giving me a broad smile.

"Momoko-san! Shiro-san! What are you doing here?" I managed to breathe out the words but upon reflection, it wasn't such a good idea. The tight embrace, on top of your mum's hair meant that I hardly had any breath left.

"Visiting you dear, it's what people do at hospitals." She had pulled back and was now holding me by my shoulders at arms length. "We had heard that you were sick and in hospital too, so we came over to see you."

_Too? Oh. Of course. They must have been visiting you._

Your dad explained it further. "We had just come in this morning to visit her after being picked up by your brother. Your mother, Lindy-san had told us of course what had happened the night that it did, but we weren't exactly allowed or even able to come here until things were organised for us, so it really took a while." He looked tired, as did his wife, but there was a certain amount of relief which appeared to show on both of their faces.

I was looking at your dad. Had he just referred to you as 'her'? I could feel my insides churning within me in guilt. Here were your parents, both obviously fatigued and yet so worried that they had shrugged off their own lives to come visit you halfway across the universe. Worse, they had obviously heard about what's been happening with me too and had not only come to visit me, but also acted as considerate as to not even mention your name. I didn't feel good about myself.

I opened my mouth to try and say something, to explain, to apologise, anything to ease my own conscience; but I was stopped before I had even begun by a raised hand. Your dad beat me to it.

"Fate-san, if you're about to do what I think you're about to do then I'll make it clear now and say that there's no need." His face had pulled on a martyred expression as he spoke, but then he continued more gently, "How long have we known you, and how long have you known her? How many times have you been there for each other, fought for each others lives? Both Momoko and I know how close the two of you are, and so we know as well that if it's anyone that's worried about her then it would have to be you."

I couldn't believe it. Not only were they not disappointed, _they_ were consoling _me_. The sincerity and the meaning of his words touched me so deeply I found that I couldn't keep my eyes on either of their faces, which were evidently filled with trust. I stared at my feet instead while emotions swirled my chest.

"Thank you. And.. I'm sorry." Despite his words, I still found myself guilty.

Your mum silently hugged me again, while your dad broke into laughter and reached over his wife's shoulder to pat me good-naturedly on the head. That seemed to break the tension up a bit.

"Guess she really was right. Fate-san can't seem to get through a day without apologising at least once." He was still chuckling. I blushed.

Your mum released me from her embrace again with a light smile on her lips, but noticing my cheeks turned to her husband and chided him gently "Ok Dear, enough of that now, can't you see she's embarrassed? Sorry Fate-chan, he's like that sometimes."

"Ah, no, it's fine Momoko-san. I'm used to it by now." And I really was. I couldn't help but feel the corners of my lips lift.

"Well, I'm glad you're alright with him." Her eyes flicked to her husband and then back to me. "But seriously Fate-chan, we heard that you were sick as well. You're feeling better now I hope?"

I definitely couldn't keep my lips straight this time as her evident concern warmed my heart. "Yes Momoko-san, I'm feeling much better now, thank you." It was the truth I suppose. At least regarding my fever it was.

"I'm glad then." She looked happy at my response, but then seemed to wrestle with herself for a short while before speaking again. "Fate-chan, I know.. I know I may be asking something difficult of you, but I-, well, I don't have anyone else to ask."

I wasn't quite sure where this was leading, so I remained quiet.

"Lindy-san had told us what happened, and that was how we knew about it, but really, we weren't given any details. At least not as much as we would have liked I mean, nothing beyond her having been hurt whilst on a mission. We had wanted to ask when we arrived, but Shamal-sensei seemed so busy, as did Chrono-kun, and umm.. Vita-san didn't seem very responsive. So I was wondering if you could please tell us what happened."

I licked my lips. Her face was down-cast, as though fearing to hear rejection, while your dad was looking at her with slight disapproval, but had voiced no disagreement. I guess I really wasn't the only one who was desperate.

I wasn't sure what to do. I had yet to come to terms with it myself and yet they were aski-

No.

I really am stupid. These were your parents I was talking about. The two people who in all honesty should have been disappointed in me but weren't. The same two people who had treated me as though I was family from the first moment they had met me. The same two people who were acting like any parents would when their child was hurt or in danger. I owed it to them. I owed it to them if for nothing more than the fact that parents have a right to know about their children. I kicked my own hesitation and other useless feelings aside and took your mum's hands in my own while I led her to the bed for us both to sit. Your dad decided to keep standing but had moved closer to us, standing next to his wife.

I drew a deep breath to make sure I was calm before I began to speak. I spoke slowly at first, almost haltingly, but I found that the longer I spoke, the easier it became and the faster I retold it. This was different to yesterday, when I was speaking to the Lieutenant Colonel. I wasn't explaining the 'how' or the 'why', but simply stating the 'what', and it seemed to bring my mind back into perspective. There was no room for me to add my own guilty thoughts into the story, and so with detachment I spoke, spoke of the entire mission from beginning til end, and at the end of it I couldn't help but feel lightness coursing throughout my body. A weight was lifted from me; a weight which I didn't even realise was there.

It was as though placing it into words was part of the cure, and my thoughts which previously resembled just a haphazard knot of emotions seemed to be untying themselves and rearranging, shifting slowly but steadily back into coherence. I realise now that having been able to speak about it gave me a chance to bring what had happened under scrutiny, and finally to be able to begin to accept it. I remember being told that the first step to understanding was through acceptance. Seems there really is some truth to that.

By the time I had finished speaking, I found that I was slightly out of breath, and tried to calm myself. My eyes which had initially been fixed down upon my own hands, had taken to their faces towards the end. Your dad had one of his arms wrapped around his your mum's shoulders while his remaining hand was in one of hers. They both looked slightly sad, but on their faces they had small regretful smiles. It was almost as though they had expected it to turn out like that, and yet had had been powerless to stop it.

Your mother was lamenting, almost to herself. "That child.. she really is always pushing herself too hard. It's been that way since she was small, and yet she never seemed affected." A pause before sighing dejectedly "I guess this really was just one time too many."

Your dad gave your mum's hand a gentle squeeze of comfort, yet he himself seemed to have a distant look on his face, as though he was thinking. It took him a few seconds to voice himself.

"Fate-san, I was wondering, do you know why she happened to be on a mission? I thought she had just taken leave for herself. Or at least that was what she told us she was planning to do in her last set of letters."

I could feel myself squirming under the weight of his question. That small sense of achievement I had been feeling had suddenly dissipated.

I returned to staring guiltily at my own laps. Certainly I knew why. I knew why you were there that day out in the God-forsaken wilderness in the dizzying snow. Knew without a doubt that the reason you were so grievously injured was because of me. It was for this reason that my guilt was constantly threatening to overpower me, the reason I was so desperate. It was entirely my fault.

"She.. volunteered for it." _Pathetic_. "She told them she was free.. when they asked her for help." _You're pathetic._

I really was.

Not only was I the cause of all this mess, I couldn't even own up to it; resorting to hiding behind a half-truth. Where had all that talk about standing strong gotten me? Why was I so far from the strength I was aiming for? In spite of the encouragement, the understanding and the acceptance from everyone else, it seemed as though I had hardly moved forward for myself at all. My guilt was holding me back.

Your dad suspected nothing despite my hesitation, or at least if he did, he gave no indication of it. Instead, he simply nodded, almost satisfied with the answer. After that, with most of their desperate curiosity satisfied the three of us made small talk for a short while. That is to say your parents tried to make small talk while I gave short, half-hearted responses. I was once again captured by my own thoughts, and they seemed to notice.

"Fate-chan, it seems as though you may be getting a bit tired. How about we let you get some rest and we come back to see you again some other time?" A polite question from your mum which I couldn't help but agree to. I nodded.

She stood up from where she was sitting on the bed "Ok then, how about I help get you back into bed?"

I shook my head. "No it's ok, I'll be fine by myself."

"Then would you like me to open that window for you for some fresh air? It looks like there's a nice breeze out there, and since it's not snowing at the moment it shouldn't be too cold." She was smiling warmly at me as she asked.

Another shake of my head. "Really, it's fine. No need to fuss over me."

"I see. Then I guess we'll just leave it here." She hugged lightly me as I was still sitting at the edge of the bed. "Fate-chan, get some good rest ok?"

"Get well soon Fate-san." Your dad was waving at me. "We'll be back to see you."

I waved back as well after your mum let go of me. She had almost made it to the door where her husband was waiting when I called back to them.

"Momoko-san!" She turned back around to face me as I flustered. "Mm.. Thank you.. for everything. And Shiro-san too." They both smiled at me in response and waved at me another time. And then the door closed yet again, leaving me with silence for company.

* * *

It was a few hours later in my room when I had another visitor. I had spoken to the doctors in the interim after your parents had left, and received permission to be discharged since I was no longer sick. I was in the middle of changing back into my own clothes when there was a knock on the door.

"One moment please!" Hurriedly, I finished removing the hospital gown and started buttoning up my blouse. Finishing with the bottom button, I walked over to the door and opened it to see who it was. It was my mum.

"'Kaa-san!" I hugged her. "What are you doing here? How are you?"

She was hugging me back gently. "I'm fine Fate, and really now, what a thing to ask. Of course I had come to see you." We had pulled back and she smiled as I blushed lightly. "But it seems as though I worried for nothing if you're here up and about. Have you been discharged from the hospital?"

"I have. I spoke with the doctor a short while ago and after giving me a check-up, he gave me the ok."

I was holding onto my mum's hand and led her back into the room towards the chair so she could sit. Once there I let her take a seat, and returned to sorting out my things. There wasn't much really, so I took to neatly folding the hospital gown.

Mum started talking again as I folded. "I see. I'm glad I caught you before you left then. Did you happen to see Momoko-san and Shiro-san?" She was speaking to the back of my head.

A quick nod. "I saw them this morning when they came to visit me. We spoke for a while. They mentioned you and 'nii-san were the ones who arranged to have them brought here?"

A light hum to indicate a positive. "I had received a message from Amy after Chrono called her to let her know where he was. I decided that it would definitely be better for her parents to know so I went over to speak with them directly. Of course they were mortified at the news, and so I tried to arrange for them to see her."

Nothing I didn't really already know, just in greater detail. I had moved on to fixing up the bed sheets on the bed. "Wasn't that a great deal of work? I mean, having citizens of non-administrated planets travel here must have taken a lot of convincing at the main office."

I turned to face her when a light chuckle reached my ears. "Oh it wasn't such a big deal. Your brother and I just sort of threw our weight around using our titles. It's rather convenient really." I answered the smile on her face with one of my own. She continued after I turned back around to continue tidying up.

"It was a shame that I couldn't leave with them though – with Momoko-san and Shiro-san I mean, and could only get here now. There were a large number of other things which I couldn't put off so I had to take care of those first before I could come over." She stopped there for some reason, pausing before she continued again "And I do believe one of those issues had to do with you Fate." I looked back over at her again when I heard that, noticing she was eying me in a very professional way, and it reminded that she wasn't an Admiral simply in name.

I was groaning inside. I could tell what was coming.

"Lieutenant Colonel Lancer from the Investigation Bureau happened to contact me earlier today. Do you remember the man?" Of course I remember. I nodded, in a resigned kind of way. Her eyes softened. "Well I guess from looking at your face, you know what this is about and so I won't belabour it." I brightened considerably I think. "He told me that you mad missed out on taking the exam because of what's been going on and that he had come to directly speak with you, but from what I gathered when we were talking, he wasn't exactly impressed."

I wasn't really surprised. He really seemed as though he meant every word that he was saying. Despite my apparent feelings of unconcern, I asked almost casually "So I take it he told you that I failed miserably?" False bravado.

She nodded.

Honestly, I really wasn't surprised, but it still hurt. It doesn't matter whether it's expected or not, failure always seems to cut at a person's self-esteem and pride.

I think my own disappointment showed, for mum quickly tried to console me.

"But it's ok Fate, I spoke to him at length about the kind of history the two of you had, and it seemed to convince him. He agreed to allow you to take the exam again. He scheduled it for the day after tomorrow in the morning again." I mentally groaned again. I didn't particularly want to be given a second chance out of pity, though I guess I didn't really have a choice in the matter at this point.

"Thanks 'kaa-san."

"It was nothing dear. Not as though I could just sit back, and I can't say I don't understand how you feel in this kind of situation either." She was looking out the window, and I had the distinct feeling she was thinking about her husband. But she then abruptly looked back at me "Enough about that now. What else to do? Ah, I know, how about we go visit her? You're fine now and everything here's packed up already, and I haven't visited her yet. You can lead the way."

I looked back at my bed which was neatly done and at the hospital gown which was neatly folded. I could make no arguments. I still wasn't sure about myself however, and was feeling uneasy.

"'Kaa-san, how about you go ahead first? I think I'd like to go to the washroom beforehand." Delay for as long as possible.

She hummed to herself again. "I suppose, but I'm not really sure which room she's in though."

"Just head towards the intensive care wards and ask the nurses. I'm sure they'd be able to tell you. Or ask for Shamal, she would know where her room is. You remember where the intensive wards are?" Anything to give me some time.

She seemed satisfied with that."Yes I remember, and alright. I'll see you soon ok Fate?" She stood up and walked out, lightly waving as she went through the door.

I slumped backwards into the chair.

I don't know why I didn't tell mum I couldn't see her. It was almost as though it caught me by surprise when she asked, but it didn't. I had been expecting it. Maybe it was because she's my mum and I felt that I couldn't lie or disappoint her. Maybe it was because I was tired of running away from it. Yet despite what it was, despite being forced to a head to make a decision, I still couldn't make up my mind.

I placed my hands in front of my chest and held them together to stop the trembling again. I had hardly noticed that I was. I felt something in my shirt pocket. Slowly untangling my fingers, I reached into my pocket and took it out. I saw a metallic device gleaming silently in the final vestiges of afternoon sun. I had forgotten that I wasn't alone here.

"Bardiche."

(( Sir. ))

"Do you know what's been happening?" A slight whisper.

(( Yes Sir. )) A strong reply.

".. What do you think I should do?"

A pause.

(( Sir, fighting is what we are good at. Choose the path with the least amount of pain. ))

_The path with the least amount of pain.._

I stood up and started moving; moving with purpose, with direction. I was no longer swaying in indecision.

I was coming to see you.

I strode down the halls as quickly as my legs could carry me, without a glance for others who passed me by, ignoring their stares at someone virtually racing down the halls. I knew where the intensive wards were, it wouldn't be my first time there. It _was_ a fairly dangerous line of work we took up admittedly.

I found myself in front of Shamal's office and looking inside for her, but she wasn't there. I frowned to myself.

"Excuse me, could I help you with anything?" A nurse which I didn't recognise had seen me look in to Shamal's office.

"Yes, umm- I'm looking for Doctor Shamal, would you happen to know where she's gone?" _Hang on a second, why didn't I just ask which room you were staying in instead? I'm not thinking clearly._ It seemed there was no need to amend my question however, since she seemed to answer both in one.

"She just left her office when another visitor came to speak with her. I believe they went to Intensive Care Room 145." She replied politely.

Thanking her quickly, I took off again, counting room numbers as I went. I found the room a short distance from Shamal's office actually, and noticed the door was ajar. I looked in and found Shamal quietly talking with my mum just behind the door.

With heart thundering I pushed the door open further and it squeaked slightly. Breaking off their conversation and turning around at the noise, both my mum and Shamal were staring at me with surprised faces, only to be replaced quickly with smiles. I was looking further into the room and saw that a bed was in the centre, surrounded by a large number of machines and two chairs, one on either side

Shamal spoke to me quietly and I looked towards her "Fate-chan, I'm glad to see you're finally here." She was looking at me intently, and with eyes that shone, almost as though with tears.

I nodded but quickly averted my eyes again to avoid not only the embarrassment, but in case she would make me spill tears of my own. Instead I rested my eyes on the still form on the bed. My already rapidly beating heart almost decided to give out then, but I grit my teeth, and tried to calm myself. I couldn't turn back now.

Mum seemed to have realised it was my first time here, probably since she spoke with Shamal. Lightly placing a hand on my shoulder she whispered in my ear. "Fate, we'll let you have some time with her ok? We'll just be outside." And with that they both turned around and exited, closing the door behind them.

It felt almost as though I had been turned to stone as I stared at you, lying with unnatural stillness on your bed. No sudden jerks, restless movements or slight murmurings as though of sleep disturbed you. You were covered up to your chest by a white blanket, and both arms were laid out on top, next to you. A drip was in place, inserted into your right arm, and a clip was on your left middle finger, while an oxygen mask was in place on your face, slightly misted. The slight rise and fall of your chest told me that the mist wasn't my imagination, and that you really were breathing.

I almost tottered over peering at you so intently, but stepping forward for balance, I caught myself in time. That seemed to have gotten my muscles working again, and I slowly worked my way over to towards your right side. The sunlight was fading quickly now, or perhaps it was my eyes which were going misty, for I was having a difficult time seeing, but eventually I stumbled my way over.

The only noises I could hear were my beating heart and the rhythmic beeping of the machines.

Your face looked so serene. Pale and unadorned your brow appeared, with calmness to it that bespoke of a sleep that brooked of no worries in the world. The tranquillity evident in your features was so unnatural it seemed almost eerie, and yet at the same time, beautiful beyond words to describe.

As though mesmerised, I slowly reached out and took your right hand in both of my own. It was cool. Holding your hand in my grasp, I could only stare silently at your face while white hot tears seared down my cheek.

"Nanoha.. "

I was finally here, at your side, holding your hand. I couldn't help but feel as though my heart would break. It hurt just to look at you. So many emotions were yearning to burst forth from this chest of mine that I don't know how I was able to contain it, and on top of it all, my own guilt was riding over everything.

I had caused all this, and the knowledge that it was because of me brought pain beyond anything I knew. Pain which was absolute. Pain which intensified every time I looked at you, but look I did; for this pain would only become worse otherwise. It was a pain which was born and grew through regret and fear, and the only cure for it was to fight; to shoulder it and move forward.

And so I did.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Umm.. I apologise for the delay guys, but that was a really hard chapter for me to write, and so I think I took a longer time than was really necessary compared to most other people. I hope I learned a little from that chapter though, and that I grew a little bit out of it like poor Fate did. But you know what I realised because of this chapter? Writing a drama takes a bucket load of emotions out of you, and I'm wondering where I keep it all lol.

I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter, even if it may have been a bit slow for some people (but then again, I think maybe all of my chapters are pretty slow). But yes, there has been some small progression in terms of the story, and some more revelations (lol?) shall come with the next chapter.

And yes, I remember that I said I would post answers to the supposed easter eggs I sorta sneaked into my last chapter, except noone seemed to know what to be looking for lol. Ah well, I guess they were way too cryptic. I guess I shall now present the answers:

**Musmurius:** 'mus murius' is the Latin word for rat, which just so happens to be the chinese zodiac animal of 2008

**Neil Lancer: **In keeping with the tradition in the Nanoha universe, Neil's last name is named after the Lancer line of cars from Mitsubishi

**Ferocia Argenteus:** As with above, this was another reference to car names. However, even by my own standards this was quite cryptic. Ferocia refers to spirit, or ferocity, while Argentus means silver. Now, my intended meaning was silver spirit, which is actually a nod towards a silver Mazda RX-7 Spirit R sports car which I happened to be thinking about.

At any rate, thanks again for reading, and I hope it was a good chapter in your opinion. If possible, I would greatly enjoy reading your feedback and reviews, so that I could write better in the future. And I think I shall leave it here, where I shall now take my leave. So, til next time, take care. –Ash

PS. I'm excited to write about the Enforcer exam either in the next chapter or the one following. I hope I can pull off what I have planned. Wish me luck :3


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